outLoud

Sunday, April 22, 2007

grayLine

its idle time and i dont have anything to do other than reading my mails. I was thinking of writing a letter for myself but it seems so mushy and i just dont feel like it. oh well,i just have to think of anything else but then i remembered that today is April22 and tomorrow would be 23. And so?! whats with the date?!! uhm nothing really... :( i dont have to feel sad right?! i should be happy! but why am i feeling this way...well to be honest am not feeling good these days. *sigh* i wanted to share it with you but i would choose not to and just keep it to myself. Am not ready to disclose it with you guys! You know me, so long as i can carry the pain within me i would take it and just do whatever it takes. Its just a decision to make,a decision that can only be decided by me and not by anyone else. -- not that deep ayt?!! hahaha! -- No one really knows what i really feel inside. People often noticed my eyes and i would always deny that i wasnt crying.haha! of course they cant do anything but to take my word, though its pretty obvious but Id just give them a smile. The day would end as it used to be though everything within me is all pretenses and diguises.
Each one of us have issues to deal with and i dont want to add up to other peoples concern.But dont worry guys its not a big deal anyway... worry not! Dont over react or do not over analyze the situation. Perhaps am just sad that is why im able to say this right now. Maybe tomorrow id be fine! :) hope so.

posted by barbi at 5:10 AM | location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment/fullpage/post/24706849/2174196646464764826;> 0 comment(s)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

a song for me?!! :)

"I never had anything happen so fast
Took one look and I shattered like glass
I guess I let it show
Cause your smile told me you knew
That you're everything I ever wanted at once
There's no holding this heart
When it knows what it wants
And I never wanted anything more than to know you...."
*sweptAway*

posted by barbi at 4:44 AM | location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment/fullpage/post/24706849/115935786231893734;> 2 comment(s)

Friday, July 28, 2006

picturefreak buds


~ trip down memoryLane ~


a night of clumsiness

blurry. along bigR

latest pic..during nancy nicole's burthday

scripted or not?! hehe. temporary insanity

02dec2005 cath's bday bash

college associates :)

posted by barbi at 11:27 PM | location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment/fullpage/post/24706849/115415654368212619;> 1 comment(s)

Sunday, July 23, 2006

majin?!



just what ive found!

this photo was taken last dec05 in davao at jacksridge....i missed pangit badly nah! *sigh*

posted by barbi at 8:58 PM | location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment/fullpage/post/24706849/115371460544567815;> 0 comment(s)

hello world.....

its been ages since my last post...hahaha!

id like to post something but i dont have time oi...tsktsk! er. hmmmmmm.....

posted by barbi at 7:53 PM | location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment/fullpage/post/24706849/115371000520224428;> 0 comment(s)

Saturday, May 20, 2006

:(

hahai!!! :( me so tired nah! seems like i just dont know what to do with my life now. I have so many plans in mind yet i dont know how and where to start!

i feel like im so bobo jud! i always got rejected...i dont know whats wrong with me or maybe they are more deserving than i am. :( am i not?!? i badly needed to work...i need to have money to finance myself and so that i can help my family too...but how?!

*sigh* :(

posted by barbi at 9:45 PM | location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment/fullpage/post/24706849/114818720185491615;> 0 comment(s)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

just the way i see it!

I have never been so attached with any reality TV shows and teleseryes ever in my entire 22yrs of existence…but not until PBB came in. I was able to watch the 1st season of the show but the 2nd season of it was a bit different experience for me. Its as if im so affected by it. After every episode of the show, I would always find myself giving my own points of view and reactions to my friends without them asking for my whole damn opinions!

It all started with this hunky boy in the house named zanjoe. During the launching I got interested who this guy was because kris aquino and anne curtis showed their support for him. And it made me curious then and so I try to watch PBB if I have time or if I feel like watching it. Then I saw him with the rest of the housemates and I would say that he didn’t have my attention until their concert because I saw how manly he looked like and realized that he is ooh sooo berhot! Yeah! Kris and Anne were absolutely right…he’s an example of a tall, dark, and handsome man! From then on I tried watching it everyday… I always keep an eye on him every time I watched the show yet there are really times that Id get lazy watching it. But when he admitted his feelings for Bianca that was the time I went gaga over watching every episode of PBB, I would even watch wee hours program hoping that I could get updates about them. Im already familiar with Bianca since I often saw her in tv shows and im a fan of her too. I just love the way that she is…smart, gorgeous, a Filipina by heart and a woman who has a great disposition in life, I supposed! I was temporarily insane over their story! Call it stupidity or whatever you may call it but I don’t really care a damn!

Maybe I was enthralled by just how they met…it could be that some stroke of fate brought them together inside the house. Who would have thought that the guy Bianca was dying to meet 2 years ago will become her housemate one day?! They spend 24/7 of their life together on the same roof doing the same kind of tasks everyday for 56 days. Isn’t it what you call serendipity?! I never thought that I could witness such bizarre situation like that. I say bizarre because I only get to encounter this kind of scenery in pocketbooks or in movies. Not in a million years did I ever imagine that it can happen in reality and that the word serendipity does really exist!

Their complicated situation--bianca having a special someone outside-- contributed a lot to the concept of the show—teleserye ng totoong buhay. I guess it was also destiny’s way of gauging Bianca’s feelings towards her significant other...a test of commitment on her part i must say! Each of them went inside the house probably for the same reason, for fame and for the price at stake I assumed. Finding someone to have was never an option to both of them. No one knew that they’ll going to meet there, everything just happened by chance and by circumstance. It just so happen that Zanjoe got attracted to Bianca and that Bianca also admitted that she’s been eyeing Zanjoe for a long time already. Pretty girl meets handsome guy at last! but the way to lovers landia is not easy as that since one of them has a special someone outside. They become closer and closer as days went by…they showed care and affection towards each other in their own sneaky way. They absolutely look good together and no matter how they try…their actions still speak louder than the words they utter in the confession room and to the viewers outside. Their eyes don’t lie…people can always notice the sparkle in their eyes every time they interact. There was a mutual understanding between them and it was undeniable.

I supported them all throughout the season and until they went outside the house of big brother. I was a bit expecting for a frustrating sequel for their so called storybook kind of love story outside the house… and I guess I was right! Many were disappointed as to how frustrating the next chapter of their story may seem. Both of them knew that things might not go well for them as soon as they step outside the house. Bianca went on her way to fix things with her boyfriend while zanjoe was left hanging in the air…. they leave each other nothing but memories that will last a lifetime. A memorable history of love together that even someone like lino cayetano won’t be able to beat. *sigh* its so pathetic seeing them apart…yet the story doesn’t ends here, it’ll still depend on the decisions they’ll going to make along the way…I just hope that zanjoe would always be willing to stand for her girl Bianca no matter what. I don’t know how much love does Bianca has for her boyfriend but I just hope that whatever happens she will choose to have the man she feels she is truly loved, appreciated and the one who would always makes her feel complete. I wish destiny will find its way to bring them back into each others arms coz I long to see them both happy and in love!


Lesson learned:
Life is indeed full of surprises!
You have to choose wisely coz you cant take things back if everything else fails.
Choose to follow what you think is best for you! Things that can give you true happiness.

posted by barbi at 5:05 AM | location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment/fullpage/post/24706849/114536205318698884;> 0 comment(s)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

a handful of thoughts


I wish I have a magic wand so that if something is not going on my way I could just turn it around and then in just a blink of an eye everything will turn out right. But sadly I don’t have the privilege to study at Hogwarts University where Harry Potter is studying and I don’t have magic spells that witches and warlocks knew. Im just a no extraordinary girl living in a chaotic world where in you can find uncertainty and disappointments in almost every corner of the way. I always wish for the good life—I guess everybody does!— but then the way to have it is not as easy as I imagined it to be.

They say that it all starts within you. Knowing who you are and what you really want are the questions you should ask yourself first. Sadly, these are the questions that people (especially teenagers) are taking for granted. Little do they know that those trivial questions are the key for their fulfillment later in life. And I admit that I am one of those people who took those questions for granted. I didn’t gave much of my attention to it. I mistakenly assumed that I knew myself already but I came to understand that I was wrong. I still have so many things to discover for myself. Until now I really do not know what to pursue with my life. I’m consistently telling myself that I should do this and that but i can’t always put into actions all the things that I have in mind for some reasons. I easily lose hope in almost everything and that fear is always in front of my way…and I really hate it! People are expecting something from me especially my family. They are expecting me to land in a good job after college, but then again, I still don’t have a work until now and it makes me feel like a BUM. I don’t know where to draw some strength and encouragement…I badly needed it right now. My self-esteem is slowly depleting…errr…I just hope and pray that I could have the kind of disposition that my friends have... and I know I can!

*sigh*

My yesteryears may have not been as colorful as others, but certainly I’ve had a life of my own that I lived by and it has given me so much knowledge and wisdom. Yet deep within every inch of my nerves I know that the lessons that I have had encountered in my ride is not yet enough. There’s still so much to find out and dreams to chase upon. I shall continue to live my life the way that it has to be and rediscover myself for the second time around. Trials are pain in the neck in my life, however, in every dreadful situation that I have come to pass through it only gave me the chance to rediscover myself again. It gives me the chance to know more of who I really am.

Life doesn’t seem to be as easy for me lately but I am trying to understand Gods purpose for me. Prayers unanswered will soon become answered prayers. And I am very much patient in waiting for it to come.

Have a good life everyone!

posted by barbi at 8:41 PM | location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment/fullpage/post/24706849/114429502062129564;> 1 comment(s)